So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
