Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
