i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
