sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.