He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.