1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
reminds me of losing my job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.