I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
