I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
