Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
