I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
