um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
