Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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