he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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