i think my mom watched the whole time
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
