dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
