Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
