I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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