I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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