LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
