i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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