I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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