I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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