This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Two words: nipple clamps
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