I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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