i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
