She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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