you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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