I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
