How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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