Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
