A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
