forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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