Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
