Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
