I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
