Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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