I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
