Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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