Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
