you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
