i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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