Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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