we made out on top of his cat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
