Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
