So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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