I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
