What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He felt like a one man threesome
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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