remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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