I looked at my own cervix.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
