i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
