So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
