Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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