the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
