I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
