break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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