we're chasing vodka with high fives
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
