O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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