Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
