I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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