How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
