Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
