when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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