So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3pm strippers are depressing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
