I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
