I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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