i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
