oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
