Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
